How Do I Enforce a Dress Code at My Wedding?
As a society in general, we’ve become much more casual when it comes to how we dress. Wearing jeans to places like church or a corporate job is now normal and accepted. With this cultural shift over the last 10 - 15 years, the way people are dressing to attend weddings is becoming more casual, as well.
In the ‘90s and early 2000s, having a casual-dress wedding was a literal theme for people’s ceremonies. It was so out of the norm that you had to instruct guests on the invite that it was acceptable to wear sundresses and shorts to your beach wedding. Outside of ceremonies like this with a defined casual theme, the unwritten rule of guest dress code was Sunday best, at minimum.
Now, it’s normal to see people in jeans and tennis shoes at formal weddings. The wedding party is in floor-length gowns and tuxes, and some guests are wearing clothing that would be considered too casual for a job interview. While this may not be the case in certain parts of the country or at specific religious ceremonies, for your average American wedding, it’s becoming quite common. We’re a florist and we see this at nearly every wedding we attend both professionally and personally.
If you’re not comfortable with guests wearing street clothes at your ceremony, how do you ensure people follow your rules? Here’s our recommendations:
First, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself about the demographic of your guests. Formal clothing can be expensive. Assuming that people have a closet full of nice clothing or can spare even $25 on a new outfit may be incorrect. Many people live paycheck to paycheck, and they truly don’t have the means to purchase a suit or formal dress. If you know that your friends or family cannot afford to abide by a black-tie or formal dress code, then you need to be flexible. Don’t embarrass people.
If you know that your dress code is within people’s budget and reasonable, then make it clear on your invitations and wedding website. You can also include a separate information card with your invites so that you can include more details. The definitions for dress codes are not set-in-stone rules. Terms like “smart casual”, “cocktail”, “semi-formal”, or “garden-attire” could mean something different to everyone. On your invites, provide examples of what is acceptable and what is not allowed to further define what you expect. Something like this should suffice:
Our dress code will be formal / black-tie optional. Floor-length gowns, knee-length cocktail dresses, or pantsuits are requested for women. Suits with a jacket and tie or tuxedos are requested for men. We kindly ask that guests do not wear jeans, khakis, casual slacks, t-shirts, tank tops, shorts, sundresses, sandals, or tennis shoes.
Opinions on dress codes vary from “it’s a sign of respect” to “why do you care what people wear?” We lean towards it being a sign of respect. Look at it this way - if a nightclub has a dress code, so should a wedding. While joyous and fun, weddings are also serious occasions. Marrying someone is a big deal and across every culture, one of the main ways people communicate respect to the gravity of a ritual or important ceremony is through dress. If you ask guests to abide by a certain dress code, we think they should do their best to follow the request. This includes dressing casual, too, if this is the instruction. If the invite says it’s a country BBQ and to dress accordingly, guests shouldn’t wear cocktail attire in an attempt to protest the theme.
If your religion or culture requires a certain level of dress or coverings, be very clear with your guests about the rules of certain spaces. Offer detailed guidance and don’t assume people will know or understand how to dress in these types of environments.
Now, what do you do if you have that one family member or friend who you know will try to dress inappropriately just to spite you? You talk to them directly. If it’s truly important to you that people wear black-tie clothing and your cousin thinks it’s “stupid” or “snobby” to dress up, contact them and have a straightforward discussion with them about your rules. If you’re paying tens of thousands of dollars for an event and someone wants to draw negative attention by dressing inappropriately, this is a problem. It’s no longer about the clothes, but rather about being respectful. Your wedding day is not their playground to act like a fool. Shut these people down and if you feel it necessary to rescind their invite, do whatever you need to do.
As you may be able to tell, we have little patience for ridiculousness when it comes to weddings. It’s your day to shine and be the center of attention. This will be the biggest single-day expense of your life and you want it to look how you’ve envisioned. If you ask people to dress nicely, you’re not “high maintenance”. Be respectful of people’s budgets, of course, but it’s okay to want to dress up once in a while.
WANT MORE BLOOMING SAVVY CONTENT?
Read our new book “Weddings Are Expensive - A Practical Starter Guide to Help You Begin Your Wedding Planning Process”.
Available on Amazon for Kindle and in paperback.
Click here to purchase.
Disclosure: Blooming Savvy (Forever Botanic LLC) may receive a commission or share of sales from products purchased using the links provided on this website and / or our social media profiles. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases.